THE C WORD
Ok, So…. the very first thing I need to say is this:
To all the couples out there who were due to marry in 2020, I apologise whole heartedly on behalf of the world that this mass of crap has hit what should have been the happiest time in your life. Having had my dream wedding I can’t begin to imagine how it must feel to have everything you saved and planned for all to be paused.
The second thing I need to say is this:
To all my fellow self employed wedding industry suppliers, I apologise whole heartedly on behalf of the world that this mass of crap has hit your business, the business that like me, took you years to build, hard work, sweat, tears and grit. Sacrifices spent away from family working on weddings, often working two jobs whilst you build your business up so you can have a better life.
Ok, so now that’s been said, here goes. Nobody knows how long social restrictions will last, yes you might of read the proposed exit strategy, but really, nobody knows. So here is my take, let me state right now, I have absolutely no inside knowledge. This is coming from the heart of a person who has seen her hard work over the years come to an abrupt end overnight, it is coming from somebody who works in an industry that at the moment, everybody wants to attack. It’s coming from somebody who is up most nights thinking about things she can do to bring money in, with a 6 month old baby to feed and a huge mortgage. It’s not fair, it’s not right. Not fair on me, other wedding suppliers and of course, our lovely couples. The whole situation royally f**ing stinks.
So, having had A LOT of messages off couples, some of them not even mine, it’s time to set the facts out. I hope what follows helps in some way for US ALL to be kind to one another and see things through a different perspective.
This is straight to the point, some of you might not like what I’m about to say, both couples and wedding suppliers. I’m not apologising, I’m tired of reading speculated bullshit and he said, she said bollocks on facebook groups.
P E O P L E
First and foremost, please please remember we are human, yes, people who work in the wedding industry are human. We catch viruses and get ill like everybody else. So, if you have been trying to contact your venue or wedding supplier and have not got any answers please be mindful that maybe they are one of those families who has tragically been directly affected by Covid. That in itself is of no help to you I’m sure, If you have a wedding coming up in June and you need answers, of course it will cause you stress. So please, if and where possible try and exercise some kindness and deeper understanding. Please don’t take to social media straight away and start slandering venues, photographers or florists and leaving bad reviews on Google. This affects us, deeply. This kind of behaviour causes serious serious ramifications, ones I’m sure you don’t want to be held accountable for later down the line when Covid is a distant memory.
Please also understand that for a lot of us, this is our lifes work. Self employed people work so so hard to carve a path for themselves, their life savings often go into their passion. Overnight in March, we all lost our incomes. What the government say about furloughing or paying 80% is rubbish, please don’t assume all wedding suppliers are getting paid, most of us are not. Again, please exercise some sympathy when contacting us. We are worrying about putting food on the table and paying our mortgages just like the rest of the country.
Y O U
Please understand, every wedding supplier LOVES their couples, we really do, if we didn’t love this job then we wouldn’t be doing it. It’s hard, stressful and full of pressure. However we still WANT to help you, we want to make sure you can still have the day you dreamed of. WE are not the enemy, sitting at home swimming around in a massive pile of deposits like Scrooge Mcduck. Newsflash, those deposits are our wage, they pay for food on the table and clothes for our kids. That’s why we are all hammering home the message of Postpone, don’t cancel.
F R U S T R A T E D
Right now, as it currently stands we are in a semi lockdown. We do not know when lockdown will end. Any wedding planned for the period of lockdown cannot go ahead. This is not the fault of any party. This is an act of God, most suppliers contracts will cite this. The wedding cannot go ahead, it is neither parties fault. Nobody saw this coming. This is what is called a frustrated contract. In simple terms, this all becomes about negotiation. It is now up to both parties to negogiate an agreement. Demands and threats are not possible nor feasible. Take for instance, a florist. A florist who was due to work a wedding the weekend after lockdown began. That florist has bought all of your flowers that YOU have paid for. Those flowers cannot now be used. Is that your fault? No, Is it the florists fault? No. That florist will now have to use their profits on that job to source new flowers for your new date. Demanding your money back is VERY unfair, it’s also VERY unfair that you are left with nothing. Now you negotiate. You have a conversation on a human level, You talk, ideally over the phone, not in some passive aggressive email. Have a chat, discuss options. None of us in our lifetimes have ever had to deal with this, so we are all learning. Be kind.
If a complaint were to go to court, be aware BOTH parties need to be able to prove that they acted fairly, be able to show that they negotiated, offered solutions, back up plans, showed clear communication.
P O S T P O N E
All wedding suppliers should have provided you with written confirmation, terms and conditions, contracts etc etc detailing their services. Almost every supplier I know will have a clause in their terms that states “dates can be moved subject to wedding suppliers availability, and at their discretion”
Please bear in mind that extra charges may be applied. This is purely down to each individual. Please remember the work you have paid for was supposed to be undertaken in this financial year. If a wedding supplier has a clause in their terms that says “extra charges may occur for prime dates” then this is their terms. I have seen lots of shaming on Facebook, where photographers, cake designers or florists are charging more to move those bookings to another year. Remember, inflation goes up, particularly for a product (flowers) nobody knows what the import prices will be after all of this is over, expect prices to rise. It is up to each individual wedding suppliers personal circumstances and contract to make a decision like that. We are all in different financial situations and there is no uniform rule on what is right or wrong. What you read on a wedding Facebook group from one couple saying “My photographer didn’t charge us to move our date to 2021” and another that said “My photographer charged us another £600 to move our date” That’s down to the individual wedding supplier. This is THEIR business, THEIR livelihoods, they can conduct it however they see fit, or NEED to. Again, negotiate, have a chat, something may be able to be worked out.
C A N C E L
Right now, we are still in lockdown. If you have not been able to negotiate (not demand) a new date to postpone your wedding to with all of your suppliers or negotiations have broken down, where exactly do you stand?
Again, it’s a negotiation. It’s a conversation to be had. There’s been a lot of misinformation, primarily from Martin Lewis, for somebody who’s been bankrupt in his life his attitude to the wedding industry is shocking. His advice that couples should be getting FULL refunds is untrue. Notice the term in capitals - FULL. Now, this whole situation is shit. Shit for everybody involved, BUT your wedding suppliers have already been doing work in the background. We have emailed, zoomed, met you in person, sent and drawn out contracts, welcome packs, done pre shoots, had a menu tastings, venue meetings, posted brochures, paid for advertisements that allowed you to find them in the first place, sent you welcome gifts…. this costs money, usually an hourly rate, this is what your deposit pays for. Work done prior to the wedding day. Yes, we will not be able to provide the main service BUT we have been working - again, not just sat on a pile of deposits. The law states that a non refundable deposit doesn’t exist. HOWEVER a deposit covers work already completed, so please, have a good think about what your suppliers have already done for you. If you email your supplier stating that you believe are entitled to a full refund then be prepared to be disappointed . Be kind.
C A N C E L O U T S I D E O F L O C K D O W N
There’s no easy way to say this, If you choose to cancel your wedding in October 2020 because you’re nervous about a second spike, that’s a breech of contract. You lose your money as per the contract. You may even find yourself having to pay a percentage of the total balance. Again, as we keep hammering home, postpone, don’t cancel. If the UK is out of lockdown by October then your wedding suppliers can still do their jobs. We can still fulfil the work we intended to do for you. Therefore it is your choice to cancel, and will be treated as such. Then, yet again, it comes down to each individual supplier and how they intend to run their business, there are no rules, no rights or wrongs. Some might choose to fully refund because they feel sorry for you, those same people might have second income or a partner who earns 60K a year and can afford to. Others may be single parents or struggling to feed their kids and will stick strictly to their terms and conditions that they are legally entitled to. My advice, approach with caution and on a human level, again, be kind. Be understanding. You are more likely to get somewhere if you approach in a nice way rather than sending demanding emails. If you don’t work with all of your suppliers to find a date that works for everybody then be prepared to lose money. Again, if it were to go to court, you need to be able to prove that you have acted fairly by considering all parties when looking for a new date. Simply emailing them and saying “ Jo, found a new date, Oh, you can’t do it, I want my money back” isn’t fair. You should have negotiated.
D A T E S
When postponing to another year, It’s not rocket science, Wedding suppliers get booked up 18 months to two years in advance. The chances of you getting a prime Saturday in June, July or August are slim. You need to be prepared for this. You also need to make a list of which suppliers you absolutely CANNOT live without. You will be extremely lucky to keep all of your suppliers for a new date unless you are prepared to move to a mid week date. I’ve seen a few couples not happy with this, they have “paid” for a prime Saturday and demand another one. No day of the week holds a higher value than any other, granted a Saturday is easier in most ways for planning, travelling etc. Remember this whole situation will change our working lives forever. The guests you invite will simply be so happy to attend your wedding that they will make it work, they’ll take a few days off. At the end of the day, I firmly believe if you are lucky enough to walk away from 2020 and have a wedding in 2021 with ALL of your loved ones still alive and around you, then it really doesn’t matter if that’s on a Saturday or a Tuesday. Please don’t demand a reduced price for a weekday, the chances are the nicer you are, the more understanding you are, your suppliers may well try and do something for you.
T A K I N G T H E P I S S
A few wedding suppliers have reported that SOME, and I only mean a few couples are exploiting Covid as a way to get out of contracts with suppliers they no longer want. If this is the game you are going to play then please be aware that suppliers can ring venues and check, and believe me, we will. If we find out that in actual fact you have not cancelled your wedding, and are simply doing it to get rid of suppliers, we will find out and we will be entitled to keep a full deposit. After all, in a court of law, if it got to that, both parties have to act fairly. Simply deciding you no longer like the wedding suppliers photographs, music or food won’t cut it. These are peoples livelihoods and you agreed to work with them.
A C T I N G F A I R L Y
I was supposed to shoot 3 destination weddings this year, two have moved, the other one at the moment are still planning to go ahead. I have booked and paid for my flights for one of those weddings. If that couple cancel their wedding and the government and Ryanair let me still fly, I lose my money. I am not insured. That is my fault for mot getting insurance when I should. I won’t be hounding the couple to pay for my flights, it’s not their fault. likewise, If you didn’t purchase wedding insurance last year, Why? (Sorry to be harsh, but that is what it is for) I can’t understand why we are getting all the stick instead of the insurance companies. That is literally their sole job.
If Ryanair won’t refund, I’m not going to kick up a fuss, because I too understand that the company have wages to pay and staff to keep in jobs, even if it is run by a billionaire. Sometimes you just have to suck up the shit and move on. With any luck, I’ll get a voucher to use another time. Brilliant. I’ll gladly take that. Likewise, if you wedding supplier, say for instance cannot do your wedding, is quite rightly keeping a partial or full deposit, they might offer you a pre shoot, a voucher or something similar. We can find the time to offer something alternative. Time doesn’t pay our bills, money does.
Remember, if you demand a full refund from every supplier you have booked because you are not prepared to postpone then good luck finding a new venue, a photographer and caterers in 2021. We will all be going bust and you won’t even have anywhere to hold a wedding next year. It’s simple maths.
W H A T W E C A N D O
As an industry, at the moment we are under an increasing amount of scrutiny from the media. Stories of venues not returning deposits or charging couples for weddings in lockdown that simply cannot go ahead. Please be reassured, this is a tiny tiny snapshot of an industry full of people who do what they do to make people happy on their wedding day.The vast majority of wedding suppliers have bent over backwards to help their couples. So, wedding suppliers, what can you do for your couples? Send them a card in the post, do a zoom photoshoot on their original wedding date, chat to them more on the phone and use this time to get a better relationship with them. Christ, we are all on zoom doing shitty quizzes all the time, get on zoom and connect with your clients. Get online and stay online. Yes it’s an uncertain time, but it’s more uncertain for your couples. If your social media presence goes down the toilet throughout this pandemic, you are no doubt going to be hit with messages of worry. If your couples don’t see you online then they will worry. If you’re directly affected by Covid, communicate this, put a message out on social media simply saying you need some time out. Don’t whatever you do, go radio silent.
Share your calendar with your clients on a closed web page, so they have access to all of your available dates in 2021 and beyond, so emails aren’t going back a fourth twenty times a day to try and find an amicable date. Protect your own mental health too.
Suppliers, if weddings are downsized with smaller numbers and shorter coverage then consider offering a split package. Shoot the ceremony in 2020 under social distancing rules with vastly reduced guests and timings and then shoot the reception at a better more convienient time in 2021. This way, no income is lost, simply delayed. Yes it will mean a fucking horrendously busy 2021, but you can’t have it every way.
W H A T C A N Y O U D O
There are lots of things that YOU can do to help your wedding suppliers in this awful time. The following things are simply suggestions, nobody will expect them or demand them, but explaining why it may help both parties might may it clearer to you.
1) If you have managed to successfully postpone and still get all the suppliers you wanted, then to help them out, you could offer to pay 50% of the remaining balance on your original wedding date with the remaining balance to be paid 4 weeks before your new wedding date. Presumably you would have been saving anyway. This will help out the wedding suppliers with their finances and tax returns. There is then less chance of these suppliers going bust in your new wedding year.
2) Write a positive review for your wedding suppliers, if they have bent over backwards to help you, like 99% of the ones I know personally have done then get online and spread the word. Not only does it help our business, it helps our morale. In a time where we can’t work, cannot share work we have done to bring in new customers for the next few years, a positive review can mean the world to small businesses.
3) Buy things from your suppliers, gift vouchers, wedding albums, cake tasters, flowers…. KEEP THEM IN BUSINESS!
4) Make a plan B and plan C if needed. Have a serious chat about your options, both as a couple and with your suppliers. You absolutely do have options. Your wedding suppliers WANT to keep your business, we can suggest elopements, celebrants, and lots of other things that will ensure you can still have your wedding. It may just be a little different to the way it was planned.
5) If you’ve agreed to a partial refund from your wedding suppliers through whatever circumstances then accept or suggest a payment plan. Most of us would have been starting to get paid round about now, we haven’t, the money in the bank is slim. We cannot produce money out of thin air to refund every client. We will go bust. Again, be thoughtful, kind and understanding. If communications have broken down, be prepared to accept a payment plan to return partial deposits over a set period of months.
5) Use your insurance, I would like to think that most couples get insurance, if you can claim, then try to help out your suppliers by paying them again out of your claim money. Even if it’s just a token gesture, it will mean a lot to a self employed person struggling financially.
P H O T O G R A P H Y O P T I O N S
What happens if we’ve exhausted all options trying to find a new date in 2021 and our photographer is already booked or cannot do it, again, a conversation to be had in the first instance. Your photographer does not want to lose your business. So they may offer an associate shooter if they can no longer do it for you. An associate shooter is not a trainee. Most photographers will have this written in their contract, if in case of emergencies another photographer of equal or higher standard and pricing will photograph the day for you and give the raw images to the original photographer to edit in their signature style. Apart from the physical photographer not being there, you won't even know the difference. More often than not the associate photograher has worked alongside the original photographer several times and knows their shooting style so the end product will be very similar. This will save you time and hassle trying to find somebody else, and make a connection with them.
F I N D I N G T H E P O S I T I V E S
I know this time is unfair, scary and unpredictable. But try and find the positives, You’re not the only ones. Your wedding will never be forgotten, that’s for sure. When you do finally get to have your wedding you and you guests will have been social distancing for so long they will be like caged animals ready for the mother of all parties. Rethink your entire day. Do you need all the materialistic stuff, or will it be more about family and friends. Plan a UK honeymoon, use this time to get the map out and plan something closer to home, less expensive and on home turf. Give something back to the struggling UK economy. You suddenly have more time to save up.
P O T E N T I A L I S S U E S
From a photography point of view there are a few things that may crop up which could cause some problems. If packages include second shooters or pre shoots these may no longer be able to be included or go ahead. The industry is on its knees. Lots of suppliers have gone bust, or under the stress, have decided to quit. There may be fewer on the ground next year. Photographers won’t be able to allocate second shooters until closer to the wedding date as it will become priority for those photographers to find a full day of paid work rather than take a second shooting job. So please be patient on this. If nearer the time a second shooter cannot be found, then again, a negotiation happens. It may be more hours covered, a small reduction in price, a discount off a wedding album etc etc - again negotiation. Please don’t assume an automatic refund.
Pre shoots may be more impacted if people cannot travel, again, there are options. Zoom photoshoots, not ideal but certainly a story for when you’re recalling your wedding day to grandchildren. If that’s not feasible, again, negotiate.
F I N A L L Y
Remember, this is no ones fault. Not your wedding suppliers, not yours. We are all human. Suppliers, remember your couples have had their day cancelled, are under an incredible amount of stress and worry. Couples, remember your wedding suppliers have lost their incomes and are worrying about their future.
You WILL marry, you WILL have a wedding day, it may not be what you had in your head, but it will happen. With any luck, you’ll be celebrating with every single one of your relatives around you on a day filled with love, happiness and memories, be it on a Saturday in 2021 or a Tuesday in 2026.
To everybody, BE KIND. We are all in this together.
A personal thank you to every single one of my couples who have been wonderful in communicating with me so far, please, please speak to me if you’re having worries or wobbles.
To my wedding supplier friends, please feel free to copy and paste this and put it into your own blogs.
Jo x