Where did all the micro weddings go?
3 years ago, a beautiful wedding venue opened its doors for the first time having undergone an insanely massive renovation. This place was to quickly become one of the most sought after wedding venues in the Lake District - Townhead Estate. I was lucky enough to photograph the second ever wedding at this venue and since that day over ten more. The first will always be special because it was during covid. When only 30 people were allowed. I reflect upon that time now and realise I did some of my most favourite weddings and met some of my most special couples during that time. The sheer commitment to getting married and seeing the opportunity in a smaller wedding was something not many wedding suppliers had experienced before. There is no denying that this model, this micro wedding model, kept me in business, and contributed to where I am today.
Somewhere along the way, I’m taking a guess at around 18 months ago things took a turn, the wedding machine propelled into post covid madness, a rush of new talent and a focus on fashion trends flooded the industry into a bit of a delusional state. What I’m about to say in this blog is not intended to upset or offend other wedding suppliers or couples. It’s merely my opinion on the current state of the industry (in my experience and talking to many other mid- range wedding suppliers) and how I need to take responsibility for contributing to it and also looking forward how I can make amends.
So where to start. I’ll start with this. This is a styled shoot, it’s my concept, my idea and everything shown here is realistic of a micro wedding or elopement that I can (and have in the past) delivered. I’m going to be completely transparent, I’ve lost 3 full day hybrid bookings in the last 6 weeks because of financial or family pressure on couples. They’ve walked away from the weddings and in some cases lost retainers because they’ve realised the expense or stress is too much. I’ve not experienced that since the pandemic. However, I’m not upset, angry or worried. I don’t actually blame the couples for sacking it all off. As I age, and supposedly get wiser (yes, yes, I know) I’ve come to realise that a wedding day is, just a day for a wedding. I wish somebody somewhere would have told me what I’m about to tell you before I got married. IT’S JUST ONE DAY. Nine years ago I got married and did everything that I wouldn’t dream of doing now. It’s one day. So why as an industry are we actively piling pressure on hardworking couples to break budgets on ridiculous things simply because ‘instagram or Vogue’ told them to.
(More on these two later)
Earrings and shoes from New Look - yep, read that right. My shoot, my rules. high street fashion for the win.
This isn’t a dig at ‘high end suppliers’ or rich folk. It really really isn’t. There has to be a market for everybody. In an industry where recently, quite rightly, there’s been uproar with under representation (of LGBTQIA+ couples, couples of colour, couples of different body sizes ) in styled shoots. Why is nobody recognising a glaring under representation of ‘budget friendly’ ‘ affordable’ or ‘reasonable expense for a single bloody day’ styled shoots. Why are we as an industry so ravenous for high end luxury content. Don’t get me wrong, it’s bloody gorgeous, it’s amazing. But here, where I live, it’s total bullshit. There’s many many more mid range wedding venues than luxury ones in the Lake District, and a much bigger emphasis on elopements. What’s giving off more bullshit vibes is showcasing styles and ideas at venues where the concepts aren’t allowed. I get it, it’s inspo and all that shit. The problem is, it’s not. It’s confusing, wrong and misleading to couples. If you don’t allow real candles in your venue, stop having them at styled shoots. If you aren’t able to cater for an outdoor meal because the catering team have to walk down ten flights of stairs to a walled garden with a curvy pretty table or even funnier, in the f**king lakes where it rains 90% of the time, then don’t f**king create the content. It’s not fair, it’s embarrassing for couples when they ask for those things and it’s misleading.
I’ll try and keep the ranting to a limit as I’m well aware I’m coming across as an angry middle aged jealous washed up wedding photographer. I’m desperately trying to fight the corner of my couples who I actively encourage to use me as a kind of wedding sound board to diffuse the noise. I often get messages and emails asking advice, recently I had one bride who was worried because her venue had done a “luxury” styled shoot and in her words - “don’t expect anything like that at my wedding Jo, mines all DIY.”
This is not an attack on styled shoots, far from. I’m a huge advocate for styled shoots, they are invaluable for my learning and marketing, networking and creativity. What I want to try and change, is the narrative and the impact they can have on our wonderful potential couples who consume all of this sometimes unrealistic content and then think that their day has to look a certain way for it to be a success.
One of my lovely brides from last year Lou who had a micro wedding at the Wild Boar in Windermere told me -
“This was a major problem when we planned ours - we bloody loved so much but when we enquired it was so expensive (and rightly so) but we felt stupid for emailing as it wasn’t within our budget. Clear costs/prices are so much better - for some reason they’re very hidden and secretive in the wedding industry and I have no idea why . You & our other suppliers obvs not included. That said, we got VERY lucky with you all as you’ve all been so accommodating with our budget and tiny wedding (whilst being incredible and making our dreams come true). Last thing - so many suppliers don’t cater to small weddings like 11 people - make this a thing of the past Jo “
If you want to see the perfect example of a tiny wedding on a healthy budget Lou and Matty’s is below:
I am going to insert an apology in here for any own behaviour in the past, I know I actively participate in this charade on social media. I post styled shoots and I paid for an advertising feature in Vogue. I admit I got totally consumed by the bullshit which now, in my clear head I know I don’t belong in Vogue, I’m better suited to Take a Break magazine. But just like some couples, I felt the pressure to do something that wasn’t me and paid almost 2k for the privilege . However I always make sure it’s clear it’s a styled shoot and I actively make sure I offer a varied range of packages to suit all budgets. I also show my prices on my website so there’s nothing left unseen. These tiny steps that aren’t really all that taxing can help every couple planning a wedding.
Which leads me onto my shoot, I’ll start by telling you about yesterday and what I wanted to achieve. It really isn’t anything special, BUT that’s what makes it so special. The things I wanted to address in this shoot:
Micro weddings and elopements
Sustainable rental styling
Mid week capped hour hire
Scrapping traditions
Affordable fashion
Alternative wedding activities
Transparent cost breakdown
The boathouse at Townhead is part of a 7 hour mid week hire package priced at £3500 for up to 30 guests.
Rosie from Rosedale botanics can nurture, install and create beautiful art with potted plants which she then takes home and continues to grow. No waste, no mess, no environmental impact, just a rental fee and a beautiful way of decorating space. (more on her later)
I’m on a mission to remind people that it’s ok to have a smaller wedding. Small weddings don’t immediately mean cheap or crap. Do you really really like 120 people? Really? Because I barely like 2 people on a good day. More to the point, do I wanna feed these 120 people a beautiful meal in return for some half arsed shit wedding gift that barely covered the cost of the Canapés? Probably not.
Chris writing his ‘fake vows’ but as you’ll hear at the end of this blog, summed up this shoot perfectly.
If there was an option to have a 30 person wedding 9 years ago when I did it, If I had the knowledge and understanding I have now, then I’d have done it. Back then, it wasn’t an option. Eloping was for weirdos and people with no mates. (Apparently)
The gorgeous Heather Cocker who was my chosen HMUA for this shoot, Heather does elopements and small wedding packages AND does hair and makeup together and her price for this would have been £450. (£350 plus optional £100 trial) She’s based in Preston so serves the north west. She’s super talented and an absolute blast to have on your wedding day.
Around 60% of my work is elopements and weddings under 50 people. I’m seeing an emerging trend for the larger weddings having smaller day celebrations and larger evening ones or even larger day 2 parties. They get to really treat their nearest and dearest and then party with the rest of the rabble in the evening or the next day. Here at Townhead you can get married with 30 people in the boathouse, use the beauty room for getting ready, all the stunning grounds, bar and boathouse from 10am - 5pm for £3500. (Mid week days only)
The beauty of this is, if you wanted to seat 30 people outdoors in the courtyard and have an Al fresco lunch dining experience with your wavy tables, you could, because this works at this venue. The Italian courtyard is right next to the kitchen - Bingo. Then, get off site - hell, get windermere lake cruises to boat you into Bowness, go check into your air B&B and walk into Windermere to party the night away in BAHA. All prices can be found via the link I’ve included here.
The bike is mine, it’s my pride and joy. I’ve always wanted to use her for a shoot, yesterday she got her moment.
This is what my shoot was all about. Naturally I couldn’t drag 30 people to model for a styled shoot so you’re going to have to use some imagination for this. I had lovely Laura and Chris showcasing a 7 hour Townhead elopement , boathouse ceremony, picnic and swim (same price for this as it would be for 30 people) If this was a real wedding for me then I’d revert to my hour by hour package or half day which would come out between £1250 and £1750 depending on photo only/ photo and film. Yes, under the venue the second biggest expense is most likely to be the photos and video. I’m going to defend my slice of the industry and just say, a good tog and/or vog will tell your story for years to come. All the money you spent will be remembered in what they create.
Full disclosure- the dress I shoved Laura in is shit. On purpose, and I’ll tell you why. It cost £43 from French Connection at Marks and Spencer’s. We laughed because it really did look like a white bin bag. But that’s exactly what I wanted. Ask anybody, I’m the least stylish person I know, I don’t follow trends and I wear bloody Skechers. I think anything NEXT stock is fashionable. So, I went out, and bought a crappy white dress, told Laura to bring some sandals and told Chris to bring some shorts and a white shirt. Remember this shoot is not about how it looks, it’s about the day and experience that’s possible if you think outside of the wedding box.
At the moment, in the industry I feel like we expect our couples to be fashion gurus, buying the big names and the latest trends. Reality is, most couples are too busy to give a shit and don’t have time to pick up a fashion mag. Is it just me, or are some of these stupidly expensive wedding dresses just bloody ugly AF? I’d encourage people to spend more on a nice pair of big name shoes, at least you can wear them again.
Thank god the weather played ball and it was warm and sunny, otherwise that dress would have looked really stupid. The emphasis was always on the day, not the look. The experience, not the unessesary expense on a dress that will be worn for a few hours. I wanted to showcase a Townhead elopement - on site for 7 hours and absolutely not having a formal sit down meal, or strangers to impress.
The couple were to get ready together in the beauty room, ditch the whole first look thing and spend time together cycling down to the boathouse through the walled garden (my bike was a bit clunky for this in reality but hey, can’t knock a girl for trying) Looked cute though. (and yes, I have had a real couple do this for their real wedding)
They were to get married in the boathouse, which had been styled by Rosie from Rosedale Botanics using sustainable potted plants arranged in a beautiful half arch. I really wanted to showcase the potential for Rosie’s business. Hiring plants out is a beautifully aesthetically pleasing option and so so sustainable. All plants go home with Rosie to be nurtured with no waste. For this set up she charges £370.00. I’m hazarding a guess that if this was a micro wedding, these pots could be redistributed along a table for decor and an extra styling fee.
I asked the wonderful Michelle and Ashley at The Floralistas to create a bouquet for me. The reason I chose them, not just because I adore their huge bouquets but because they do offer a bouquet only service. Some florists will have a minimum spend which I completely appreciate and understand. I was very concious to only include suppliers who could deliver this exact elopement. The price for this bouquet is £250 and £25.00 for delivery.
After the ceremony, the idea was to have some time on the balcony, crack open a bottle of Townhead Prosecco, enjoy the views and then go for a walk along the beach next to the boat house.
Again, this is exactly what I would do on a real elopement, and if you need proof then please go down my instagram page or visit my sister company With Abandon (please note we are currently taking a break) - we deliver this model in the wildest of places. Often in the Scottish highlands, Skye and the Lakes.
This is why I was super excited to do this shoot because it’s so refreshing (and much easier) to do it all on one site that has so much to offer. Incase you’re not aware. You can only legally marry in England in a registered venue. Often this means an unsightly pergola. In Scotland, you can legally marry ANYWHERE.
Some other Lake District venues that offer this exclusive model and have done for a while are Cote How, Low Hall the Lakes, The Gilpin and Holesfoot.
Typically, in one of my real elopements this is the time where the couple would FaceTime their family and tell them. Or more commonly these days, they have the hybrid option from me, with fast turnaround so they can keep it secret, have a gathering a week later and show the film to their friends and family, then party the night away. There is no extra charge for a fast turnaround, I just need to know a few months in advance so I can adjust my workflow.
If it did piss down on the day then the boathouse holds 30 people easily, you can have your drinks reception in here or you can drive/ golf buggy back up to the bar in the main barn for some comfort. Please note that the upper barns are not included in this package.
I know what you’re thinking, 7 hours - where’s the bloody food. Well, Townhead are lucky in that they have the wonderful Karen Rhodes as in-house caterers and even better, they offer lots of different packages for lots of different occasions including elopements and smaller weddings. For the sake of this shoot I nipped to M&S and did this all myself, but for Clarity, if you were to get a picnic hamper for your elopement it would cost between £60 and £75 for two people. 12 Canapes incase you get hungry would be £25.00.
In the past, I’ve been buzzing around like an idiot trying to do a cute set up whilst the couple have been chilling, luckily for me I came to my senses and decided to enlist the superb skills of Tiff from Willow and Fig in the Lakes, she too can cater for small weddings and elopements and is a perfect addition to your day. She provided rugs, candles, lanterns, cushions and various other things and styled them at the end of Townheads jetty. As with any real wedding I would typically get the couple to enjoy the picnic for an hour or so whilst I go off and get b-roll, get a few bits of them enjoying the food and do some drone shots before leaving them alone. Tiffs price for this set up at Townhead starts from £350.
Drone shot - well because, I love my drone :)
So now hopefully you’ll understand why I went for the shitty cheap ‘practical dress’ - riding a bike, and lying on a jetty. I love wedding dresses, I really do but they really are a huge expense for something we wear for a few hours. I purposely chose the white bin bag dress because I wanted to prove that it really doesn’t matter at the end of the day. The most important thing is to be comfy and confident. You can get plenty of beautiful wedding dresses in sample sales at stunning bridal studios, so always try them first. I’m not a fan of fast fashion but I had to get something fast and I was on a budget myself with this shoot. But if you like the shorter style more relaxed bridal fashion then check out Needle and Thread, Mary Benson and Monsoon. Again, that’s just my opinion. I wore a £2500 pronovias sequin dress with a huge bloody train, dragged it around all day like there was a dead body wrapped up it, tripping up over and then eventually got drunk, danced like a loon, only for somebody to stand on it, ripping the top bit and exposing my left tit to the world. Probably wouldn’t have happened in a £43 French connection from M&S dress would it ?
Imagine having one day where you and your partner could have the perfect day together. What would that perfect day be? I imagine that what I designed for Laura and Chris and this shoot, this would have been my perfect wedding day. The Townhead package finishes at 5pm, so if it was us, we’d have had lunch on the jetty, and gone for a dip. Splashed around, probably brought a stupid inflatable flamingo or something daft. Packed up, gone back to my accommodation and gone for a few bevies in the pub or treated ourselves to an evening at the Gilpin. Of course, if the weather was shit then it would be a different plan all together, we’d still go for a swim though.
Or like I mentioned earlier, got a boat from the jetty into town. Last year I photographed a very similar model to this. Ami and Greg got married at Townhead with around 30 guests during the day, a super chilled meal, a few speeches and then a few guests went swimming. A shower, change and then around another 60 people arrived for the evening. I have a few weddings this year where the same model is being applied, air b&b day celebration, boat trip to Bowness, piss up in a pub to meet the mates. I CAN’T WAITTTTT. Many HMUA’S offer a service where they’ll stick around all day and do top ups if you want to go for a dip. That’s the beauty of Townheads beauty room.
If there’s any photographers nosying at this blog I know they’ll be muttering - well that’s not possible on a real wedding day. The photographer wouldn’t get in the water. Well Bob, you’re lying. I do, I have and I will. So long as I have notice, I can get a change of clothes, I have timings, and I have my equipment. I’m there. Just because it’s not the norm or you’ve never done it, doesn’t mean it’s not possible. These elopement weddings have my heart. THIS is what I want to do more of. Telling authentic stories of happy go lucky people. Break the mould people, break it.
I filmed this shoot too, I try and film most of my shoots as 70% of my workload these days is hybrid. I absolutely adore filming micro weddings and elopements, it gives me the biggest buzz being able to tell a story. I asked Chris to write some vows, and I got him to read them to Laura as a surprise during the shoot so I could get some genuine reactions. I didn't prompt him at all, and so listening to these words sums up the message I’m trying to get across to anybody reading this. Laura and Chris really did get married through Lockdown, they already had their children and they could only have 15 people. To them though, It was perfect. As Chris says, being a daddy is the most important thing in the world. Two bookings I’ve lost for financial reasons, both couples have started a family or since found out they were pregnant which is so beautiful. I’m inclined to agree, there are more important things to spend money on when you have a family than a massive wedding. For all the pain, heartaches and delayed trauma covid brought to many wedding suppliers and couples, the one thing I’m truly grateful for is making small weddings fashionable again. They really are beautiful and so many venues offer this model now.
I’m not sure if what I’ve waffled on about here even makes sense,
so I’ll round up what I want to say in a short paragraph.
Don’t feel pressured into having a massive day, don’t go into daft debt for one day, it’s ok to cancel a wedding if you’re not sure, it’s ok to have a small wedding, don’t absorb everything you see on social media, have a day that’s true to you, if you don’t like them then don’t f**king invite them. If you wanna wear a £43 M&S dress, THAT’S OK. A wedding is for one day, a marriage is for a lot longer.
Full cost breakdown if this was real:
Venue - £3500
Photographer - 5 hour hybrid - £1750
Bouquet - £250
HMUA - £450
Plant rental and styling - £370
Jetty styling and decor rental - £350
Registrar fee - £605
Picnic for two - £75
Total cost - £7350
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